And one day closer to death



Ho Hum. Another boring day in another boring life. Another lonely, sad day in another lonely, sad life. I guess I should be really bummed about it, but, I'm actually getting used to it. Of course, that doesn't make it easier to live with. Just easier to plan for tomorrow. Yes, there will be a tomorrow. I'm not lucky enough for that not to happen. And, as much as I wish tomorrow wouldn't arrive for me, I'm unable or unwilling to change that fact.

OK, enough of that. So, I believe I have mentioned that I have been putting postings out on Craigslist and answering other postings. And I mentioned that my last on I posted on Tuesday was a bust. I only got 2 replies and 1 was from a guy. The other reply was from a girl that seems fairly nice. We have been emailing back and forth, but, it isn't going anywhere past emails. She has made that perfectly clear. That's OK. Just another example of my total inability to get a date. If I had a nickle for every girl that didn't want to date me......., yep, I'd be a rich man. Then I could actually be happy. I could buy peoples friendship and attention. LOL. Well, this isn't exactly where I was headed with the paragraph. OK, back on track now. I posted again today. I didn't tie it down to asking for a date for a specific night. As of now, I have gotten the big ZERO replies. I'm not sure how long I am going to keep posting on Craigslist. I'm getting no results. I know I'm going to do this however, I'm going to let my comedian buddy's girlfriend write and post something for me. Maybe she can package me in such a manner to be more appealing. I've seen others do it on Craigslist, so, what the hell. The only way it will hurt is that I will get my hopes up and be smashed on the rocks again. Oh-well.

Don't know what I'm doing this coming weekend yet. I have to wait for comedian buddy to call me on Friday to let me know if he feels like getting out. Or, he may have his daughter, so, he wouldn't do anything that way either. So, I may be sitting at home, alone, watching DVD's on Friday night. We will probably do something Saturday night. Even when he stays home on Friday night, he usually goes out on Saturday night. He performs comedy every Saturday night, so, we usually meet somewhere afterwards. I guess he figures if he is already out, he can stay out longer and do something with me. If by chance we don't do anything this weekend.... then I'm home alone for the entire weekend. That just goes back to my sad and lonely life.

You do know, not everyone lives happily ever after, right? It is some people's destiny to never find happiness. I have a very real feeling that I am one of those people. But, fear not. I am not angry about it. I am not going to go "postal" or anything. I'm the type that will just disappear. I'll get all my affairs in order. I'll make sure someone is taking care of my cats. I'll give notice at my job (don't want to leave them hanging). And, I will just disappear. I would love that. Don't leave anyone wondering about me. I could disappear right now and there wouldn't be may people wondering about me anyway. So, if I just tell everyone I'm going away for a long time.... they would all forget about me soon enough. Yep, that's what I wish could happen. But, I'm never that lucky. I'm afraid I'll just have to finish my days right here where I am. Try to hide my complete dispair from everyone. Shouldn't be too hard, I've been doing it for so long now...