Just another day


Well, here it is... the Saturday after Thanksgiving. OK, actually, it is Sunday morning. I went to Ben's on Friday night & Saturday night. Friday it was pretty quiet. I watched the Mavericks beat the Spurs. Very nice game. Saturday night it was more crowded for karaoke than earlier in the evening. Earlier, I watched the Mavs win again. Then I got in 3 songs for karaoke. One was Surrender by Cheap Trick. I had never done that one before, but, I felt I did a pretty good job with it. And, comedian buddy said I did it really good also. So, it is now in my rotation. Unlike the past several weekends, there were several lovely ladies at Ben's tonight. Normally that would be a good thing. Tonight it was more like torture. I had no chance with any of them. I think I'm swimming in the wrong pond. The only ones I seem to have any chance with are the ones that physically turn me off. I was having a really good time tonight until most of those ladies that I liked showed up. I can handle when a couple comes in and I think the female half of the couple is attractive. She is with someone. I'm not gonna make any kind of move because of that. And, I have zero chance because of that. But, when they come in alone or a group of girls and I really like one of them, I can't just write them off like the ones that are half of a couple. And there isn't anything I can do. These girls just don't even see me. When they look around the bar, their eyes just go right past me without even a seconds worth of hesitation. There is NO checking me out even in the least. And with some of the girls, after scanning past me once, they deliberately keep from looking in my direction again all evening. They don't want the Loser (that would be me) they spotted getting a wrong idea if they glance at me again. And I am actually pretty stupid that way. When a girl is "nice" to me, I get confused. Is she being "nice" because she likes me? Or, more likely, she is a worker at the place I'm at and she HAS to be "nice" to me. God, I am such a LOSER. I really wonder how I even make it through each day. Let me give you a hint about where my mind is lately... I've cried at more TV shows the past couple weeks than I can remember crying the entire rest of this year. I've cried during the past 2 episodes of ER. I cried today during an episode of Airline. And it isn't necessarily because something sad happened. Most of the times was because there was a couple in the show and it just really reminded me how empty my life is. I don't think there are many people that have ever experienced this amount of emptiness. I really don't.